This blogger is old

On By Alfredo LanierIn Blogging, felix, mexico
How i went from ‘getting old’ to ‘being old’

Lifestyle preachers may talk about “70 being the new 50” by profiling some 85-year-old guy who swims a mile a day in Lake Michigan in the middle of January. Such inspirational epistles never impressed us though.

Less so after my husband Stew underwent serious spinal surgery in January and we’ve found ourselves confronting the realities of old age. For one, I’ve been playing the multiple roles of driver, nurse, cook and physical therapist, and most important, cheerleader to keep Stew from succumbing to depression, an understandable feeling for someone in his situation.

Indeed, a few weeks ago, the 77-year-old Stew exclaimed—as if he were in the throes of an epiphany— that he “felt old.” As someone a year younger I could hardly disagree.

We retired in our late fifties and embraced our work-free lives furiously. We traveled to the four corners of Mexico and also abroad, to photograph and ooh and ahh over waddling penguins in Antarctica, plodding camels in Morocco and breaching whales in Iceland with the enthusiasm of a couple of 30-year-olds. Our energy still surprises me when I go through the thousands of pictures I collected along the way.

Our last trip, just before Stew had his surgery, called for five days in Amsterdam, a seven-day cruise on the Rhine with stops in Germany and up to Basel, Switzerland, for a four-day respite, ending with five days in Paris before flying back to Mexico.

The weather was unremittingly miserable, cloudy and clammy, and the comforts of Business Class travel on Air France, luxe hotels and fine meals couldn’t conceal the reality that we were too old for such frenetic itineraries.

As it has been our custom, we ambled around back streets, to look at store windows and parks, with rest stops at patisseries to scarf down brick-size pastries followed by a cappuccino. After a while though, our feet, backs and knees reminded us that such long walks don’t come that easily anymore, no matter how dazzling Paris or Switzerland may be.

In Uber We Trust.

About fifteen years ago, we also purchased a seven-and-a-half acre piece of mostly barren land outside of San Miguel where we set out to build an off-the-grid house—our “forever home”—and planted hundreds of trees and built a small greenhouse and a couple of raised beds to plant vegetables. We also tried to improve the lives of the endless parade of stray dogs that still show up at the gate every morning looking for food, and in many cases provided free sterilizations or treatment of wounds or infections.

Félix, who’s been with us 17 years, standing guard by our mini-greenhouse.

It was an exciting project. Dozens of design and gardening books remind us of our unbridled enthusiasm. But during the past three years, a “been there done that” ennui has set in as chores mounted, even with the help of Félix, who’s been our full-time gardener since we moved here 19 years ago. Bless his heart, as Texans would say.

Our recent medical experiences, which have required trips to Texas, also have left wondering if San Miguel is the best place for older people to face unexpected but inevitable health problems.

To us, medical facilities and care here do not seem comparable to those north of the border, a point hotly debated by some expats. We’ve found some fine doctors alright but for major medical problems we’d rather go back to the U.S.

Medical costs in San Miguel also have skyrocketed recently and are payable only by cash or credit card, Medicare not accepted.

Some of our friends say they’ve planted their flag in Mexico and even become naturalized Mexican citizens. Stew and I keep our return plane tickets in our back pockets.

On the contrary, thoughts of moving back to the States, perhaps to somewhere less complicated, like the beautiful area around North Carolina’s Blue Ridge Mountains or Tampa, buzz our brains ever more frequently.

Yet the logistics of moving back to the U.S., dogs and cats included, seem daunting. Except for a couple of friends at either destination, we don’t know anyone there. And moving down the street from “the kids” or into the in-law apartment over the garage they’ve reserved for us is not an option because Stew and I don’t have any close relatives in the U.S.

Whatever other factors, San Miguel has proven to be a most friendly place. Stew and I often remark that here we have far more friends than we ever did in Chicago even after living there for 30 years. As one enters the Moldy Years, following the Golden Years, the support of friends becomes crucial.

Stew’s situation, however, has forced us to consider all options. Call it an inflection point, or the ol’ fork in the road.

And we don’t want to let inertia, fear or denial make those decisions for us. Some of our friends seem to live in a “I don’t even want to think about it” twilight zone.

Bumps in the road and uncertainty notwithstanding, we have many reasons to be grateful. The first one is that Stew and I have each other to buttress our morale and provide daily encouragement. I can’t imagine going through these straits and challenges by myself, and I’m sure Stew feels the same.

Also, Stew ‘s recovery, particularly his ability to walk unassisted improves daily though it’ll take a couple of more months before he’s fully recovered. Patience is the most potent medicine right now yet the most difficult to swallow.

During this period we also have become reacquainted with friends that perhaps had become distant.

We remain doggedly optimistic about the future, foggy as it may often appear. Our travel bucket list is by no means empty. We’re going to Chicago at the end of May to reconnect with some old friends; Ireland sometime during the summer; and possibly New Zealand in the fall.

But long hikes to Machu Picchu’s “Sun Gate” or zipline rides across Chihuahua’s Copper Canyon are definitely out. Rides on scenic trains or tour buses suddenly are now more our style.

We may be old but God willing, not done yet.

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19 thoughts on “This blogger is old”

    1. We certainly have cancelled our skydiving plans, but plan to keep our optimism and the rest of the bucket list. Hope you are doing well. Haven’t communicated for a while. Thanks for your comments and good wishes.

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  3. babsofsanmiguel's avatar babsofsanmiguel

    Patience and acceptance are required and neither happens overnight!  Hang in there.”One day at a time”

    Yahoo Mail: Search, Organize, Conquer

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  5. Mary's avatar Mary

    I hear ya. 73 and 78 here, and I totally agree there’s a big difference between the 60s and the 70s (ages). Oh well. We are still the lucky ones (I think). It’s kind of interesting how my views of ”old people” have changed, now that I am one.

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    1. Thank you Mary. I don’t know where you live, but here in San Miguel the demographics of the expat community run 70+. So we have a lot of friends to socialize with, but that also involves frequently hearing bad news about health concerns. We are the lucky ones indeed and Stew and I keep reminding ourselves of that.

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  7. Dennis Mayfield (master) acct's avatar Dennis Mayfield (master) acct

    Al, Your “old” message hit a spot in Gay and my lives! I could send the same message with name, location, etc, changed that expressed our concerns as well. That includes a background of extensive international travel and now feeling like we are commuting to/from Denver for Dr appointments. My Dr calls it “old age maintenance”

    Here is what I conclude and share this moment. We have been in SMA 27 years. She 75 and me 82. 

    We had rented out our California house for 20 years thinking we someday might return just because we wanted to. Then we thought it best to keep it if we may need to return for health reasons. Then we decided to sell it and bank the money if we needed to go back to the Denver where Gay’ sister lives and our Drs are.

    At that point that point we felt a great new freedom realizing that SMA is REALLY our home. Starting out all over again wasn’t realistic for many of the the reasons you note.   We decided to just accept the $3,000 dollar travel expense for Dr appointment in Denver and accept the risk of inadequate emergency care here hoping our SkyMed contract would get us there in time if need be. This is home!

    About travel. We decided to become a “free agent”( probably next year) by letting my Top Elite status with United Airlines expire giving us more flexibility to enjoy travel on other airlines.  Yes we will loose the special perks United provides us but travel  flexibility reigns. What we want we will just have to pay for! Last trip we used Lufthansa’s “assist service” in Frankfurt. Not really needing wheel chair service but I tried just to learn how helpful that could be if it I might  REALLY be needed.

    And we know a much older couple that felt the need to sell and move back to their home town in the US for medical reasons after a 20 years here. They told us how alone they were there and moved back. They both died here….in a rental home and happy.

    Thanks for listening  to our  sorry. Dennis y Gay

     

    Sent from Casa Mayfield on MailBird.

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    1. Hi Dennis. Yes we remember you, the computer guy; Gay (who used to dance with the Joffrey Ballet); and your lovely home. And of course, your thinking and consideration of issues is almost the same as ours, except we didn’t keep our house in Chicago. And now with direct flights to San Antonio, our “medical base”; it’s become much easier to go there for periodic “old age maintenance.” We used SkyMed when Stew broke his hip and we found the service excellent.
      As I mentioned in the blog post, we would like to continue travelling with some “adjustments” to account for less mobility. Chicago is scheduled for the end of the May to see some friends and a performance by the CSO, and Ireland after that, both for only a week and Ireland as part of some small tour that will lessen the wear and tear that comes with do-it-yourself ventures.
      We have discovered that airlines provide assistance with the check-in, security and other priority access, which combined with business class makes it all easier.
      Thank you so much for your thoughtful comments, and keep us in mind for a lunch or dinner date after we return from Chicago.
      Say hello to Gay.

      Al and Stew

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  8. fredsyorkgmailcom's avatar fredsyorkgmailcom

    Hi Al and Stew, The blog is thoughtful and poignant. I sometime have similar ruminations. Especially with regards to health care. With some frequency, we have observed that we seem to spend an increasingly amount of time and money maintaining our health…but here we are right now tending to a health issue that we did not want to address in Mexico. We cannot imagine leaving SMA but…? Not seriously considering doing anything but the amount of frustration sometimes get annoying.

    I have now had cataract surgery on the left eye and will have the right eye done next Tuesday. Then home next Thursday. It is incredible the difference of my eyesight after the surgery. Images are distinct, very clear and sharp and I now have 20/20 in the eye…never would have believed the difference! But, again we had to travel to achieve the surgery, not sleeping in our own bed.

    Anyway, we look forward to seeing you guys again next weekend.

    Fred

    >

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    1. Thank you for your comment. Everyone of a certain age—and beyond—has similar gnawing thoughts, unless you are in complete denial or have some other personal reason for staying here. It is annoying to have to go back and forth, driving no less, to deal with rather routine health matters, like cataract surgery, colonoscopies, and other tests. Glad your operation turned out OK. Mine did too, and like you, it gave me a new picture of the world. We’ll see you when you get back.

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